Wednesday 29 February 2012


While eating dinner.

Eva: "Tuna is chewy, that's why is starts with 'Ch', like 'Chuna'"

Dad would not be a good teacher

Tom: In class, we were talking and the teacher asked us if we were something. But I can't remember the word. Mom do you know?
Mom: No Tom, I wasn't there.
Dad: If I was her and you were disrupting my class, I'd call you all morons!
Tom: If you did that you'd get fired.

Mary had a little dog

Walking to school this morning with the dog. Mom will bring the kids into school, I'll walk the dog home.

 Eva: I wish the dog could come to class with us.

Good, better, bestest.

Dad: “Eva, when will you move up a class at swimming?”
Eva: “When I'm older.”
Dad: “Age doesn't matter, it's how hard you try.”
Eva: “But when I'm older I'll be a bit better. Then when I'm even older I'll be bigger better and finally biggest better.”

You can't fight racism, unless you know what it is.

We're listening to an old Jackson 5 song.

Dad: “Tom, do you know who sings this song?”
Tom: “No, who is it?”
Dad: “Michael Jackson.”
Eva: “Was Michael Jackson a girl when he was a kid?”
Tom: "Eva! That's racist!”

Proceed five more minutes of explaining what racism is (and isn't) and how puberty deepens voices. I dared not explain that Michael Jackson went from black to white.

We're all (super) friends here.

After watching a Justice League cartoon.

Tom: “Where does Superman live?”
Dad: “In the Fortress of Solitude.”
Eva: “And Batman lives in a bat house.”

We're all good at different things.

Contrast the kids' priorities:

Eva: Just asked if she could go on X-Factor in her bra and pants (underwear).
Tom: Just asked how he should add 45 and 54, because he doesn't have enough fingers.

Luke, there is a good chance I am your father.

Tom: “Dad, do you like Star Wars?”
Dad: “Yes. But I don't like watching it as often as you.”
Eva: “I don't like it cuz there's no girls in it. Only Luke Skywater.”

Your mission, if you choose to accept it...

Commercials come on television and Tom sees one for Tom Cruise's new movie.

Tom: “Is that Mission Without Permission?”
Dad: “It's called Mission Impossible.”

When he's older, I'll explain how dad has to go on a Mission Without Permission when mom's not in the mood.

Tuesday 28 February 2012

You sir, are a grand prick.

Tom is playing Mario Kart on the Nintendo Wii.

Tom: “I'm gonna be first in the grand pricks.”
Dad: “Tom, it's pronounced grand prix.”

When he's older, I'll explain the proper usage of the word "prick".

There's something about Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Eva is singing something that sounds a lot like Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Dad: "Eva, what are you singing?"
Eva: Sings to the Thriller tune "Gorillaaaaa, Gorillaaaaa"

I tried to correct her.  Not sure she believed me.  At least it ryhmes.

I thought kids were I.T. savvy?

Tom:  “Dad, can I go on Google on Internetical Explorer?”

The Force is not strong in this one.

We're deciding on the evening's movie entertainment.

Eva: “Mom, what's that movie that Tom likes to know...with the lightsabers.”
Mom: “Star Wars?”
Eva: “Yeah, I don't want to watch that movie this afternoon.”

The People's Court

Tom is watching what I think is a lot of Judge Judy on television.

Dad: “Why do you watch Judge Judy so much?”
Tom: “Because I like it.”
Dad: “Do you even know what Judge Judy is about?"
Tom: “Yes I do. The person who is lying has to pay money.”
He's not wrong.

Holy moly Batman! Are we related?

The kids are watching the camp 1960s Batman television show

Eva: "Is that Batman? Who is the other guy?"
Dad: “It's Robin.”
Eva: “Are they brothers?”
Dad: "No Eva, they're just super friends."

I did not dare try to explain why Adam West kept as his ward a fully grown, but rather small Burt Ward.

The Thriller

Kids are watching Michael Jackson's Thriller video on television and asking dad a thousand questions. How Eva pronounced this one was kid-larious.

Eva: "Are there any girl zompees?"

A pirate's life for Beyoncé

>The kids are watching Pirates of the Caribbean.>

Tom: "Elizabeth is Will's Beyoncé isn't she?”
Dad: ;“It's fiancé son. Not Beyoncé.”

What would Jay-Z think?