Eva: At bedtime, my friend's mom says to her, "Good night, don't let the worms pop out".
Mom: I think you mean, "don't let the bed bugs bite".
Eva: No, worms. Cuz they wriggle. That's how they come out.
Sunday, 29 April 2012
Eva: I wish we had a pool in the back garden.
Mom: Under a nice big conservatory to keep the rain out.
Dad: It would be very expensive.
Tom: Yeah, like a billion pounds.
Dad: Probably more like a hundred thousand.
Eva: What if we just had a cacuzzi?
Mom: Yes a cacuzzi would be be nice. But it's called a jacuzzi.
*Watching Star Wars, Ep IV*
Tom: Why are those Stormtroopers shooting at Han Solo? He's not done anything.
Dad: He's offering a lift to Luke and Obiwan who have the Death Star plans.
Tom: What plans?
Dad: Are we watching the same movie? The plans the rebels will use to destroy the Death Star. The plans that everyone has been talking about since the start!
Eva: Why do they need plants?
Dad: PLANS! Arrrggh!
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Dad: Watch out for that dog poo.
Eva: Ewww. Looks like there were carrots in it. That dog must have been allergic to carrots.
Dad: Eva, it's not an allergy when you pass food through your digestive system.
Tom: Yeah Eva. Eva If the dog WAS allergic to carrots, he'd have spots on his bum.
Saturday, 21 April 2012
*Out walking. Dogs are about*
Eva: When our dog pees he stands up, but he lifts his leg a little. That dog just bends down and keeps four legs on the ground.
Tom: Because our dog is a man. That dog is a lady.
Eva: Oh ya, we have a man dog.
Thursday, 19 April 2012
I can't help but think of the movie, "Master of Disguise" whenever Eva says she had to do "turtle".
Btw, the link above is clickable if you wanna see what I mean.
*School has impractical security gate. We usually wait ages for buzzer to be answered *
Dad: Eva, slip between the bars because you're so small and open the gate from the other side.
*Eva slips through. It's very Mission Impossible*
Tom: Dad, we'll have to stop feeding her so she stays skinny enough to do that.
* Eating dinner. Tom is making a show of how hard he's having to use his knife*
Tom: Ugh, aarrgh! This is hard to cut. Ow, I have a bad crank. Ow crank, crank.
Dad: I think you mean cramp. And can we tone down the drama? It's just a piece of chicken.
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Tom: Mom, why has Obiwan left Anakin to catch on fire (Tom starts getting a bit upset).
Mom: Well, Anakin had become angry and part of the dark side.
*Scene jumps to Padme dying giving birth*
Tom: Why is Padme dying?
Mom: Because she senses what happened to Anakin and she's dying of a broken heart.
*Tom bursts into tears*
Tom: Mom, why does Padme have to die of a broken heart?
Eva: Tom, what are you cryin' for?
*He continues sobbing. Mom later says it's probably a good thing Dad wasn't in the room*
Monday, 16 April 2012
Eva: Mom, I can count to 10 in Spanish.
Mom: I know you can. You must have a good Spanish teacher.
Eva: She is a "real" Spanish teacher.
Mom: Oh ya? Is she from Spain?
Eva: I don't know. But she's brown. The other Spanish teacher is from England. She just knows stuff.
Saturday, 14 April 2012
Dad: Eva, look at that little dog.
Eva: Is it a Husky dog?
Dad: Uh no Eva. A Husky is very large. That's a Chihuahua.
She couldn't find two dogs at further ends of the size spectrum if she tried.
Ironically, later in the day she saw a Husky and correctly identified it.
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Tom: Dad, how come there are millionaires and billionaires, but there are no qazillionaires and infinity-aires?
Dad: Because no one person has ever earned that much money. And trillionaire is the next level.
Tom: I'll earn a trillion pounds, when I'm a popstar.
Tom: Dad, how do you become a Saint? Do you have to fight someone?
Dad: No Tom. You have to perform a miracle and then the Pope makes you a saint.
Tom: What's a pope?
Dad: The head of the Catholic Church.
Tom: I'm going to be Catholic then, so I can be Saint Thomas.
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Monday, 9 April 2012
Eva: I want to watch Mamma Mia!
Tom: I want to watch Tintin!
Dad: Eva, we've seen Mamma Mia a million times. Why don't we watch Tintin for 10 minutes to see if we like it. It's a cartoon about a treasure hunt.
Eva: I hate cartoons. And I hate treasure.
Since when Eva? Since when?
Dad: We'll be gone for a few days, you might need more than one pair of trousers and one shirt.
(I sniff his clothes).
Dad: Plus, these are dirty! Put these in the laundry!
Friday, 6 April 2012
Tom: Dad, you have poo hanging from your bum!
Dad: Tom, that's why I'm wiping my bum! Get out of here!
(I wipe vigorously to remove the offending poo before pulling up my undies).
Tom: Ewww, the poo is still there and it's fallen into your pants!
Dad: (I look in my pants). Tom, it's butt fluff for God's sake, not poo. Get out of here!
Clearly my butt fluff is substantial! Rivaled only by my navel fluff.
Thursday, 5 April 2012
Eva: Dad, did you get chocolate eggs?
Dad: No I didn't. The Easter Bunny is going to bring some.
Tom: I believe in Jesus, but I don't believe in the Easter Bunny.
Eva: I believe in the Easter Bunny!
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
*Someone has dumped a rusty motorcycle in the park*
Eva: Probably a man dumped that motorcycle there because girls can't ride motorcycles. Well, they can, but they have to practice. Mans already know how to ride motorcycles.
Monday, 2 April 2012
*I'm describing to Mom a situation where someone got "bollocked"*
Tom: What is a bollock?
Mom: In this case, it's slang for getting in trouble. It's not nice to say.
Eva: Yeah, I would get in trouble if I said bonnet. Is that the right word?
Dad: If it's not nice to say Eva, then don't worry about saying it right.