Men and women. Different races?

Tom:  “A kid was racist to me at school.
Dad:  “Racist?  Really?
Tom:  “Yeah, he said "Hey, woman" to me.”
Dad:  “Tom, that's not racist.”

It's a way of life

Tom: Eva said "sexy" at school today.
Mom: Eva, you don't say that at school.
Dad: It's also not nice to call people "gay".
Tom: Yeah Eva, it's just a habit.
Mom: What's a habit?
Tom: Being gay.
Mom: It's more of a "lifestyle".
Tom: how do you have a gay lifestyle?

Kids are sure fascinated by homosexuality

Eva: Mom, have you had gay?
Mom: What?
Eva: It's when two girls marry each other.
Mom: No Eva.

Money for nothing...

Tom is eyeing my birthday card which pictures a hot young lady and fat old man with the caption, "Which one do you think is the millionaire?"

Tom: Dad, I think the man is the millionaire.
Dad: (I chuckle) Why do you think that?
Tom: Because the girl wouldn't be with him if he wasn't a millionaire.

He's figured life out pretty early.

Don't ask, don't tell

Eva: I know what "sexy" is.
Dad: Oh really? What is it?
Eva: It means "having gay".

I then spend another five minutes explaining to the kids what "being gay" means...again.

If I should die.

Tom: Mom, if we die at the same time, I want to be a mummy wrapped up and buried with you.
Mom: What about Eva?
Tom: She can be buried with dad. Because they have the same eyebrows.

That's not my name. That's not my name.

Eva: My friend's mom gave me a kiss.
Tom: Why would a stranger give you a kiss?
Eva: She knows me very well.  We know each other's names.
Tom: Oh ya, what's her name then?
Eva: Uh...you don't need to know that Tom. 

Better to have loved...

Eva: Can we visit John and Jane?
Mom: John and Jane broke up.
Eva: Oh, weren't they married?
Tom: No Eva, they were just boyfriend and girlfriend. 
Eva: Can she get a new one?
Dad: A new what?
Eva: A new boyfriend!
Dad: I suppose so. If she wants one.

Holy moly Batman! Are we related?

The kids are watching the camp 1960s Batman television show

Eva: "Is that Batman? Who is the other guy?"
Dad: “It's Robin.”
Eva: “Are they brothers?”
Dad: "No Eva, they're just super friends."

I did not dare try to explain why Adam West kept as his ward a fully grown, but rather small Burt Ward.

A pirate's life for Beyoncé

>The kids are watching Pirates of the Caribbean.>

Tom: "Elizabeth is Will's Beyoncé isn't she?”
Dad: ;“It's fiancé son. Not Beyoncé.”

What would Jay-Z think?