Wednesday 24 December 2014

Clever Hans

Christmastime. Watching Die Hard

Dad: Ooooh, the bad guy.
Tom: Yeah, Hans Graveshaw.
Dad: Who?
Tom: Graveshaw? That's how you pronounce it right?
Dad: Gruber. Hans Gruber.

Santa's snack


Mom: What drink should we leave for Santa? Milk, sherry?
Eva: Water.

Monday 17 November 2014


Eva: Do you know anyone who's had a cevarian?
Dad: What?
Eva: Where the mom's belly is cut.
Dad: Eva, it's called a cesarean.

Tuesday 28 October 2014


Tom: Dad, do you know that King Tut had eckilepsy?
Dad:  No I didn't. But don't you mean epilepsy?

Tuesday 21 October 2014


Eva: Blavo Tom, Blavo.
Dad: The word is bravo Eva. Not Blavo.

Monday 1 September 2014

Saturday 9 August 2014

Kid hilarious

Eva: Do you put all the funny stuff we say on kid hilarious?
Dad: Yes. And it's called Kidlarious.

Pepperoni beer

Tom: Dad, do you like pepperoni beer?
Dad: What is pepperoni beer?
Tom: The one you bought at the restaurant the other day.
Dad: That was Peroni.  Not pepperoni.

Saturday 2 August 2014

Heaven is a place on Earth

Eva: Why would Heaven be in space and not on Earth? If all the dead people were in space the astronauts would be freaked out.

Friday 1 August 2014

Didn't say penis.

Tom came home after his very first day of school, aged four.

Tom: Mom, I had a good day at school today.
Mom: Why's that?
Tom: I didn't say "penis".

Sunday 13 July 2014

Unstylish dad

Tom:  Dad, you're looking more stylish today.
Dad: Am I?
Tom: Yeah, you have new shoes and nice jeans.  But the bum bag you're wearing doesn't work.

Sunday 13 April 2014


I'm shouting to Eva who's in the bath.

Dad: Eva, have you washed your hair and put conditioner on?
Eva: I'm conditionering it right now!

Saturday 12 April 2014

Oh-oh-oh Jerrrrry!

We're listening to Europe's 80s rock ballad, Carrie.

Eva: Is he saying Jerry?
Dad: No, Carrie. A girl's name.
Eva: Ohhhh, Harry.

Saturday 29 March 2014

Our country is special

Eva: There's lots of things that are special about our country. God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Santa. And the tooth fairy.

Saturday 1 February 2014

Indiana Jones

Eva: Is Indiana Jones Indian?
Mom: No Eva, it's just a name.

Cat sapiens

Tom: Dad, do dogs have a proper name?
Dad: Yes, Canis familiaris I think. It's Latin.
Mom: People are called Homo sapiens.
Tom: So are cats called Cat sapiens?
Dad: No Tom.

Heavenly food

Tom: In heaven, do you eat food?
Dad: I don't know. I've never been to heaven.

Wednesday 29 January 2014

Singing university

Eva: When I grow up, I want to be a singer.  Will university help me?

Saturday 11 January 2014

Tea cup dog

Eva: Dad, when I'm older, I want to have a teacup dog.
Dad: What is a teacup dog?
Eva: Dogs that fit in teacups. They're so cute. Actually a whole family of teacup dogs. Well maybe 18 of them.