Clever Hans

Christmastime. Watching Die Hard

Dad: Ooooh, the bad guy.
Tom: Yeah, Hans Graveshaw.
Dad: Who?
Tom: Graveshaw? That's how you pronounce it right?
Dad: Gruber. Hans Gruber.

Santa's snack

Christmastime

Mom: What drink should we leave for Santa? Milk, sherry?
Eva: Water.

Cevarian

Eva: Do you know anyone who's had a cevarian?
Dad: What?
Eva: Where the mom's belly is cut.
Dad: Eva, it's called a cesarean.

Eckilepsy

Tom: Dad, do you know that King Tut had eckilepsy?
Dad:  No I didn't. But don't you mean epilepsy?

Bravo

Eva: Blavo Tom, Blavo.
Dad: The word is bravo Eva. Not Blavo.

Buffalo

Tom: Is a male cow a buffalo?

Kid hilarious

Eva: Do you put all the funny stuff we say on kid hilarious?
Dad: Yes. And it's called Kidlarious.

Pepperoni beer

Tom: Dad, do you like pepperoni beer?
Dad: What is pepperoni beer?
Tom: The one you bought at the restaurant the other day.
Dad: That was Peroni.  Not pepperoni.

Heaven is a place on Earth

Eva: Why would Heaven be in space and not on Earth? If all the dead people were in space the astronauts would be freaked out.

Didn't say penis.

Tom came home after his very first day of school, aged four.

Tom: Mom, I had a good day at school today.
Mom: Why's that?
Tom: I didn't say "penis".

Unstylish dad

Tom:  Dad, you're looking more stylish today.
Dad: Am I?
Tom: Yeah, you have new shoes and nice jeans.  But the bum bag you're wearing doesn't work.

Conditionering

I'm shouting to Eva who's in the bath.

Dad: Eva, have you washed your hair and put conditioner on?
Eva: I'm conditionering it right now!

Oh-oh-oh Jerrrrry!

We're listening to Europe's 80s rock ballad, Carrie.

Eva: Is he saying Jerry?
Dad: No, Carrie. A girl's name.
Eva: Ohhhh, Harry.

Our country is special

Eva: There's lots of things that are special about our country. God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Santa. And the tooth fairy.

Indiana Jones

Eva: Is Indiana Jones Indian?
Mom: No Eva, it's just a name.

Cat sapiens

Tom: Dad, do dogs have a proper name?
Dad: Yes, Canis familiaris I think. It's Latin.
Mom: People are called Homo sapiens.
Tom: So are cats called Cat sapiens?
Dad: No Tom.

Heavenly food

Tom: In heaven, do you eat food?
Dad: I don't know. I've never been to heaven.

Singing university

Eva: When I grow up, I want to be a singer.  Will university help me?

Tea cup dog

Eva: Dad, when I'm older, I want to have a teacup dog.
Dad: What is a teacup dog?
Eva: Dogs that fit in teacups. They're so cute. Actually a whole family of teacup dogs. Well maybe 18 of them.