My two kids say kidlarious things.
Christmastime. Watching Die Hard
Dad: Ooooh, the bad guy.
Tom: Yeah, Hans Graveshaw.
Tom: Graveshaw? That's how you pronounce it right?
Dad: Gruber. Hans Gruber.
Mom: What drink should we leave for Santa? Milk, sherry?
Eva: Do you know anyone who's had a cevarian?
Eva: Where the mom's belly is cut.
Dad: Eva, it's called a cesarean.
Tom: Dad, do you know that King Tut had eckilepsy?
Dad: No I didn't. But don't you mean epilepsy?
Eva: Blavo Tom, Blavo.
Dad: The word is bravo Eva. Not Blavo.
Tom: Is a male cow a buffalo?
Eva: Do you put all the funny stuff we say on kid hilarious?
Dad: Yes. And it's called Kidlarious.
Tom: Dad, do you like pepperoni beer?
Dad: What is pepperoni beer?
Tom: The one you bought at the restaurant the other day.
Dad: That was Peroni. Not pepperoni.
Eva: Why would Heaven be in space and not on Earth? If all the dead people were in space the astronauts would be freaked out.
Tom came home after his very first day of school, aged four.
Tom: Mom, I had a good day at school today.
Mom: Why's that?
Tom: I didn't say "penis".
I'm shouting to Eva who's in the bath.
Dad: Eva, have you washed your hair and put conditioner on?
Eva: I'm conditionering it right now!
We're listening to Europe's 80s rock ballad, Carrie.
Eva: Is he saying Jerry?
Dad: No, Carrie. A girl's name.
Eva: Ohhhh, Harry.
Eva: There's lots of things that are special about our country. God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Santa. And the tooth fairy.
Eva: Is Indiana Jones Indian?
Mom: No Eva, it's just a name.
Tom: Dad, do dogs have a proper name?
Dad: Yes, Canis familiaris I think. It's Latin.
Mom: People are called Homo sapiens.
Tom: So are cats called Cat sapiens?
Dad: No Tom.
Tom: In heaven, do you eat food?
Dad: I don't know. I've never been to heaven.
Eva: When I grow up, I want to be a singer. Will university help me?
Eva: Dad, when I'm older, I want to have a teacup dog.
Dad: What is a teacup dog?
Eva: Dogs that fit in teacups. They're so cute. Actually a whole family of teacup dogs. Well maybe 18 of them.