Monday 30 July 2012

Take a message

I'm bathing a very dirty dog.

Eva: Dad, someone has called on the phone, here it is.
Dad: Eva, did you notice I'm a bit busy.  Take a message.
Eva: What's that?
Dad: Ask who's calling.
Eva: (into the phone)  Who is talking? (hangs up).
Dad: Who was it?
Eva: I don't know. It starts with a "k".

World of the chimpanzees

Eva: Mom can I watch World of the Chimpanzees?
Mom: I've never heard of that show.
Eva: It's a film.
Mom: Um, do you mean Planet of the Apes?
Eva: Yeah.

Pull the rope

Tom: Were you alive when Elvis Presley was?
Dad: No Tom, I missed him by a year.
Tom: Did he dance like this? (he does some crazy random moves).
Dad: I don't think so.
Tom: Did he do "pull the rope"  (mimes pulling an invisible rope).
Dad: Definitely not.

There was a young boy who swallowed a tooth

Tom: Dad, look, I lost a tooth. But I accidentally swallowed it.
Dad: That's not clever.
Tom: I'll poo it out. But probably not today.
Dad: I hope it comes out, or you could die.
Tom: Really?
Dad: Probably.

Silky shorts

At swimming lessons.

Dad: Tom, are you sure those are swimming shorts? They look like underpants.
Tom: They're not underpants. Feel them, they're silky.
Dad: We're in a change room. I'm not feeling your shorts. And silky says "underpants" to me.

Look at me when I'm swimming

Swimming lessons about to start.

Tom: I can swim faster than that kid.
Dad: Don't tell me, show me.
Tom: I try. I shout at you when I'm in the pool, but you're looking at your phone and have your headphones in.
Dad: Uh, ahh. Well, I do look, so make sure you're swimming fast when I do.

Sunday 29 July 2012

Land of the rising sun

We're watching the Olympics.

Tom: Wow, bow and arrow.  Who is competing?
Dad: Russia and Japan
Tom: Are the Japanians winning?
Dad: Yes...and they're Japanese...not Japanians.

Thursday 19 July 2012

Alien resistance to bodily harm

Eva: Dad, if you get stabbed, could you die?
Dad: Yes you can, from losing too much blood.
Eva: Would an alien die?
Dad: Eva, how am I supposed to know that?  I've never stabbed an alien.


Eva: Dad, who is that man who works on the TV show?
Dad: What are you on about?
Eva: You know, the one who works with the police.
Dad: There are a lot of police shows.
Eva: He works with Scully.
Dad: Oh, Agent Mulder.
Eva: Oh ya.

Tuesday 17 July 2012

Olympic snowman

Tom: How are the winter Olympics different than the summer Olympics?
Mom: The hint to answering that is in the name. What kind of events do you think would be at the Winter Olympics?
Tom: Building snowmen?
Eva: Snowball fights?
Tom: Playing volleyball on skates?

Saturday 7 July 2012

Hoppity hop

Walking to school.  There's dog excrement everywhere.

Dad: Damn dog poo everwhere.  I hope these dogs crap all over their irresponsible owners' stuff.
Eva: Yeah, it's like poo hopscotch down this parth.

Tuesday 3 July 2012

Snail gloves

Eva: Dad, you can pick up snails by their shells.
Dad: Snails carry germs. You shouldn't pick them up at all.
Tom: Yeah Eva, you can only pick them up if you're a chef in France, wearing gloves, and you're gonna bake them. Right Dad?
Dad: Definitely.
Tom: But you'll have to learn French.

Friend to slugs

Eva: I want to be friendly to slugs and snails. So I won't step on them.
Dad: Oh, that's good.
Eva: Yeah, because they want to live.

Monday 2 July 2012

Musical cars

At the book store.

Dad: Tom, this book is cool, what do you think?
Tom: Musical cars? What are they?
Dad: Muscle. It's muscle cars.

Who you gonna call?

At the toy store.

Dad: Look kids, a talking Marshmallow Man doll. I'll squeeze him.

Music starts playing. I sing.

Dad: There's something strange in your neighbourhood. Who you gonna call? Eva?

Eva: Scooby Doo?

Dad: NO!