Sunday 1 July 2018

Granddad killed Jesus

We're walking past a cemetery.

Me: Emelia, do you know what these stones are for?  They are where people who've died are buried.
Nanny: A lot of them mention Jesus.
Emelia: Yeah, my granddad killed Jesus.
Me: Hmmm, I'm not sure that's true.

So sore you'll die

Emelia: Look I've got a blister. Nanny is getting me a plaster.
Me: Oh no, will a plaster help?
Emelia: Yes, because if you don't have a plaster, it will get sorer and sorer and then you could die.

Saturday 23 June 2018

Mormous dinosaur

Me: Emelia, did you see a dinosaur at the museum?
Emelia: Yes, it was mormous.
Me: That big eh?

Saturday 12 May 2018

Tom: I'm coughing a bit. I might have turbulosis.
Dad: Uh, it's tuberculosis.

Wednesday 11 April 2018

Cool name

Tom proudly announced at dinner that when he's older, he wants to change his name to Anakin, because it sounds cooler.

Tuesday 3 April 2018

Sheep Vaseline

Tom: Look, here's a picture of me pretending to kiss a sheep.
Mom: Oh yes.
Tom: I wish I'd had Vaseline.
Dad: You were kissing a sheep and you wanted Vaseline?
Tom: Yeah, my lips were so dry.
Dad: ***laughs out loud***
Tom: What?

Sunday 18 March 2018


Tom: I think I want to be a taxidermatologist.
Dad: You mean a taxidermist.

Thursday 15 February 2018


*Watching Olympic curling*

Tom: Is the thing they throw called the "curdle"?
Dad: Uh, no.

Friday 19 January 2018

You're hot

Tom: Your body is pretty warm isn't it?
Dad: Yes, it's about 37 degrees.
Tom: That's pretty hot. But the sun's hotter.


Eva: When I grow up, I want to be a cleaner.
Mom: You never want to clean your own bedroom, why would you want to clean other people's homes?
Eva: I want them to be sparkly.

Saturday 13 January 2018

Killer instinct

Eva: In jail, are prisoners allowed to kill each other?
Mom: No, no one is allowed to kill anyone, ever.
Eva: But they do in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Mom: That's a science fiction movie. It's not real.