Thursday, 31 May 2012
Dogs don't wear clothes
Dad: Eva, why does it take you so long in the morning to get ready? I showered and walked the dog before you even got dressed!
Eva: Well it's because the dog doesn't have to get dressed.
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Saturday, 26 May 2012
Ignorance of the law
Dad: Eva, if you considered your actions, you wouldn't be in so much trouble. You need to listen.
Eva: I don't even know what some of those words mean, so how am I supposed to listen?
Paved with good intentions
Running late for dance lessons. Kids are dawdling. I'm shouting. Eva is forcing some crocodile tears.
Dad: Crying isn't going to help. Just be quicker.
Eva: You're making me cry.
Dad: You're making yourself cry.
Eva: Well, I'm trying to have good intentions!
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Eva: The Queen's Jubilee party is this weekend.
Dad: That's nice. Do you know what a Jubilee is?
Dad: It's the anniversary of the Queen's coronation. Do you know what a coronation is?
Eva: A party?
We're watching Beverly Hills Cop. The Axel F theme song comes on.
Eva: Hey, it's the Crazy Frog song!
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
Beverly Hills Cop
Most kids watch Disney movies when you say to put on a DVD. I walk into the living room and mine are watching Beverly Hills Cop.
"Get the f*** outta here" - Eddie Murphy.
Long shelf life
Tom: When were you born? 1950?
Dad: No Tom.
Dad: No. I've told you before when I was born.
Dad: I'd be almost 250 years old!
Sunday, 20 May 2012
Dad: Oh yeah, I see it.
Eva: Is a Mini Kooker?
Dad: No Eva. It's called a Mini Cooper.
Saturday, 19 May 2012
Tom: Santa Claus is really old isn't he? How is that possible?
Dad: Well, he was a very good man who became a Saint. God made him special so he could keep giving presents to kids.
Tom: Could he still die of a heart attack?
Tom: Dad, how come pistols never run out of bullets.
Dad: They do run out.
Tom: Well machine guns don't because on that game there's those two circles.
Dad: The infinity symbol? It's not real life Tom! You can't magic up infinity bullets.
Sunday, 13 May 2012
All you wanted to know about owls
Tom: Can they?
Eva: And when owls eat mice they spit out the eye balls and skeletons. But they keep the skin and the bits inside. Also, they eat other owls and they keep the beaks as spares.
Mom: Wow Eva, that's very interesting.
Saturday, 12 May 2012
Tom: Mom, if we go to Canada will we visit our relevants?
Mom: I think you mean relatives?
Tom: Oh ya.
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Dad: Eva, how do emails get from my phone to mom's?
Eva: Uh, uh...
Tom: (whispers) the internet.
Eva: Oh ya, the internut.
Dad: I see. What is the internut then?
Eva: Uh, uh... I'm not telling you.
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Go team go!
Mom is reading the Easter story to Eva. Has recounted how two others joined Jesus on crosses.
Eva: Were they all on the same team?
Mom: No Eva, they were crucified for breaking the laws.
Eva: What is crucified?
Mom: Have you even been listening to the story so far?
Monday, 7 May 2012
Chew with your ears closed
Eva: “Mom, when Dad eats, his ears move up and down. Mine don't.”
Mom: “I guess you take after me then.”
Blow your top
Tom: “I don't want to go on holiday anywhere there is a volcano.”
Eva: “Volcanoes have fire water in them. ”
Mom: “It's called lava Eva. ”
Eva: “I've flown into a volcano before. On the Wii."
Don't need an excuse to party
Eva: “Mom, I've been invited to my friend Rihanna's for a party.”
Mom: “I've not seen an invite.”
Tom: “She's already had a birthday party, so what's this one for?”
Eva: (sarcastically) “I don't know Tom, I'll see when I get there.
Saturday, 5 May 2012
Always room for dessert
Mom: Eva, do you have room for cake?
Eva: Oh ya! I have room right here.
*Eva draws outline, high on her chest*
Mom: So you have room in your lung do you? Your stomach is down there.
Fusion of tastes
At the café in the mall. Eva has a ham and cheese panini.
Eva: Mom, I don't like this. I'm only getting a taste of ham, cheese, and bread.
Mom: That's exactly what you asked for in your sandwich! What other tastes were you expecting?
Everybody was kung fu fighting
Two very small dogs are play fighting in the field.
Eva: Wow, can we teach our dog to do karate like that?
Woman is walking her dog, about 50 metres away.
Woman: Daisy, Daisy! Come here Daisy.
Eva: Dad, that's a good name for a dog, Gravy.
Dad: Daisy, Eva. The dog's name was Daisy.
Agassi vs Sampras
As we walk through the park, Eva spots tennis courts.
Eva: Look dad, a tennis place.