Friday 22 June 2012

Monkey bites

Watching a film.  Mom is carrying a child tightly.

Mom:  Aww, she's clinging on like a little monkey.
Tom: Not really.  A monkey would bite her face off.

Friday 15 June 2012

Gods of 1971

Watching a movie about Zeus, Perseus, etc.

Dad: Tom, with all these gods, where do you think this movie is set?
Tom: Afghanistan? In 1971?
Dad: No Tom. Greece. About 4000 years ago.

Growing fish

Eva: Mom, we're planting seeds at school.
Mom: What kinds of seeds?
Eva: Beans, lettuce and tuna. But how the hell do you grow tuna?
Mom: Do you mean petunias?
Eva: Oh ya.

Let's talk about sex

Mom: Have a good day at school kids, gives me a kiss.
Dad: (to Mom) Where's my kiss?
Tom: Dad, come on! We don't want to hear any sexual talk.

Rain cubes

Eva: Mom, you know when rain falls when it's hard, they're like rain cubes.
Mom: That's hail Eva.

Eva: I know it's hail. My friend calls them rain cubes.

Dad: Your "friend" huh?

Friday 8 June 2012

Dog walk attire

What Eva put on when I said we were walking the dog.

Phew, we know what she looks like.

Mom's away on a business trip.

Eva: Phew, we still know what mom looks like because there's a photo of her here.
Dad: You needed a photo to remind you?
Eva: Yeah. I hope she remembers what we look like.

Ring ring - And now, our life story

The land line rings. Eva:, she's not here...she's in Canada looking for a job to see if we'll live there...she might be back on Thursday...bye. Dad: Eva, who was that? Eva: Just some lady who asked if mom was home so I told her she'd be back later. Dad: Sounded like you shared more than that. Maybe we don't need to share that much information with a stranger when they phone.

Thursday 7 June 2012

Be free feet

Tom's common "let your feet hang free" sleeping position.

Wednesday 6 June 2012

Ouch, that stings

At holiday club, collecting the kids.  There is lightning and thunder outside.

Dad: Kids, let’s hurry up, the weather is getting worse.
Some kid: Yeah Tom, hurry up, or you’ll get stung by lightning.

Tuesday 5 June 2012

Illegal marriage

Eva:  I know why you can't marry your brother.
Dad: Why is that?
Eva: Because it's on the law.
Dad: I think you mean against the law.

Saturday 2 June 2012

I shall call you, "Jacob"

Eva: Mom, you should call Tom, "Jacob".
Mom: Why?
Eva: Because Tom and Mom rhyme. I call Tom and you answer. If I call you, Tom answers. It's confusing.
Mom: His name is Tom. End of.
Tom: Who is Jacob?

Friday 1 June 2012


Tom: Why was that boy on the bus by himself?
Dad: He's going to school.
Tom: By himself!?
Dad: I did by myself when I was younger.
Eva: Because you listened? I'm learning to listen. Can I take the bus to school?