Monkey bites

Watching a film.  Mom is carrying a child tightly.

Mom:  Aww, she's clinging on like a little monkey.
Tom: Not really.  A monkey would bite her face off.

Gods of 1971

Watching a movie about Zeus, Perseus, etc.

Dad: Tom, with all these gods, where do you think this movie is set?
Tom: Afghanistan? In 1971?
Dad: No Tom. Greece. About 4000 years ago.

Growing fish

Eva: Mom, we're planting seeds at school.
Mom: What kinds of seeds?
Eva: Beans, lettuce and tuna. But how the hell do you grow tuna?
Mom: Do you mean petunias?
Eva: Oh ya.

Let's talk about sex

Mom: Have a good day at school kids, gives me a kiss.
Dad: (to Mom) Where's my kiss?
Tom: Dad, come on! We don't want to hear any sexual talk.

Rain cubes

Eva: Mom, you know when rain falls when it's hard, they're like rain cubes.
Mom: That's hail Eva.

Eva: I know it's hail. My friend calls them rain cubes.

Dad: Your "friend" huh?

Dog walk attire

What Eva put on when I said we were walking the dog.

Phew, we know what she looks like.

Mom's away on a business trip.

Eva: Phew, we still know what mom looks like because there's a photo of her here.
Dad: You needed a photo to remind you?
Eva: Yeah. I hope she remembers what we look like.

Ring ring - And now, our life story

The land line rings. Eva: Hello...no, she's not here...she's in Canada looking for a job to see if we'll live there...she might be back on Thursday...bye. Dad: Eva, who was that? Eva: Just some lady who asked if mom was home so I told her she'd be back later. Dad: Sounded like you shared more than that. Maybe we don't need to share that much information with a stranger when they phone.

Be free feet

Tom's common "let your feet hang free" sleeping position.

Ouch, that stings

At holiday club, collecting the kids.  There is lightning and thunder outside.

Dad: Kids, let’s hurry up, the weather is getting worse.
Some kid: Yeah Tom, hurry up, or you’ll get stung by lightning.

Illegal marriage

Eva:  I know why you can't marry your brother.
Dad: Why is that?
Eva: Because it's on the law.
Dad: I think you mean against the law.

I shall call you, "Jacob"

Eva: Mom, you should call Tom, "Jacob".
Mom: Why?
Eva: Because Tom and Mom rhyme. I call Tom and you answer. If I call you, Tom answers. It's confusing.
Mom: His name is Tom. End of.
Tom: Who is Jacob?

Learning

Tom: Why was that boy on the bus by himself?
Dad: He's going to school.
Tom: By himself!?
Dad: I did by myself when I was younger.
Eva: Because you listened? I'm learning to listen. Can I take the bus to school?