Monster Squad

Kids are playing Just Dance 2.  The Monster Mash is featured with a dancer dressed up like Frankenstein's monster.

Eva: Eww, there's rats falling off him.
Tom: Of course Eva, he's been dead in a coffin.  He's Dracula right dad?
Dad: No Tom, it's Frankenstein's monster.
Tom: But Frankenstein is Dracula's son isn't he?
Dad: No, he's not.
Tom: So who's Dracula's son?
Dad: How the heck should I know?
Eva: I think he's a zombie.
Dad: (sigh) He's Frankenstein's monster.  Not a zombie at all.

The eye...of the tiger or not

Eva: Why is there a song called Eye of the Tiger?
Dad: It's a song about rising up to a challenge.  Doing something difficult like staring straight into a tiger's eyes.
Eva: So did the singer stare at a tiger?
Dad: No Eva, the song is a metaphor.
Tom: I'd stare at a shark.  That's even more dangerous.  They should have called it Eye of the Shark.
Dad: (sigh) It's a metaphor kids. A metaphor.

Shaken, not stirred

Kids are watching a movie.  There's a lot of gun shots and explosions going on.

Mom: What are you kids watching.  It doesn't sound appropriate for kids.

Eva: It's fine mom don't worry.

Mom: What is it then?

Eva: It's just James Blond.

Mom: Bond, James Bond.

Spider cup

Eva: Can I have a drink of water please?
Mom: Yes, here you are.
Eva: (bursts into tears).
Mom: What's wrong now?
Eva: That's the cup we catch spiders with.
Mom: (laughs out loud).

Punch up

I hear the kids talking about punching.

Dad: No one better punch anyone.
Eva: Were not. I'm singing a song... (starts rapping) "Punch up the jam."
Dad: Eva, it's "Pump up the jam." And where the hell did you here that song? It's 20 years old.

Take a message

I'm bathing a very dirty dog.

Eva: Dad, someone has called on the phone, here it is.
Dad: Eva, did you notice I'm a bit busy.  Take a message.
Eva: What's that?
Dad: Ask who's calling.
Eva: (into the phone)  Who is talking? (hangs up).
Dad: Who was it?
Eva: I don't know. It starts with a "k".

World of the chimpanzees

Eva: Mom can I watch World of the Chimpanzees?
Mom: I've never heard of that show.
Eva: It's a film.
Mom: Um, do you mean Planet of the Apes?
Eva: Yeah.

Pull the rope

Tom: Were you alive when Elvis Presley was?
Dad: No Tom, I missed him by a year.
Tom: Did he dance like this? (he does some crazy random moves).
Dad: I don't think so.
Tom: Did he do "pull the rope"  (mimes pulling an invisible rope).
Dad: Definitely not.

There was a young boy who swallowed a tooth

Tom: Dad, look, I lost a tooth. But I accidentally swallowed it.
Dad: That's not clever.
Tom: I'll poo it out. But probably not today.
Dad: I hope it comes out, or you could die.
Tom: Really?
Dad: Probably.

Silky shorts

At swimming lessons.

Dad: Tom, are you sure those are swimming shorts? They look like underpants.
Tom: They're not underpants. Feel them, they're silky.
Dad: We're in a change room. I'm not feeling your shorts. And silky says "underpants" to me.

Look at me when I'm swimming

Swimming lessons about to start.

Tom: I can swim faster than that kid.
Dad: Don't tell me, show me.
Tom: I try. I shout at you when I'm in the pool, but you're looking at your phone and have your headphones in.
Dad: Uh, ahh. Well, I do look, so make sure you're swimming fast when I do.

Land of the rising sun

We're watching the Olympics.

Tom: Wow, bow and arrow.  Who is competing?
Dad: Russia and Japan
Tom: Are the Japanians winning?
Dad: Yes...and they're Japanese...not Japanians.

Alien resistance to bodily harm

Eva: Dad, if you get stabbed, could you die?
Dad: Yes you can, from losing too much blood.
Eva: Would an alien die?
Dad: Eva, how am I supposed to know that?  I've never stabbed an alien.

X-Files

Eva: Dad, who is that man who works on the TV show?
Dad: What are you on about?
Eva: You know, the one who works with the police.
Dad: There are a lot of police shows.
Eva: He works with Scully.
Dad: Oh, Agent Mulder.
Eva: Oh ya.

Olympic snowman

Tom: How are the winter Olympics different than the summer Olympics?
Mom: The hint to answering that is in the name. What kind of events do you think would be at the Winter Olympics?
Tom: Building snowmen?
Eva: Snowball fights?
Tom: Playing volleyball on skates?

Hoppity hop

Walking to school.  There's dog excrement everywhere.

Dad: Damn dog poo everwhere.  I hope these dogs crap all over their irresponsible owners' stuff.
Eva: Yeah, it's like poo hopscotch down this parth.

Snail gloves

Eva: Dad, you can pick up snails by their shells.
Dad: Snails carry germs. You shouldn't pick them up at all.
Tom: Yeah Eva, you can only pick them up if you're a chef in France, wearing gloves, and you're gonna bake them. Right Dad?
Dad: Definitely.
Tom: But you'll have to learn French.

Friend to slugs

Eva: I want to be friendly to slugs and snails. So I won't step on them.
Dad: Oh, that's good.
Eva: Yeah, because they want to live.

Musical cars

At the book store.

Dad: Tom, this book is cool, what do you think?
Tom: Musical cars? What are they?
Dad: Muscle. It's muscle cars.

Who you gonna call?

At the toy store.

Dad: Look kids, a talking Marshmallow Man doll. I'll squeeze him.

Music starts playing. I sing.

Dad: There's something strange in your neighbourhood. Who you gonna call? Eva?

Eva: Scooby Doo?

Dad: NO!