Watching a TV show where one of the characters can shrink.

Dad: Do you think someone could really shrink like that?
Eva: No, only clothes can shrink.

Sausage dog

Watching TV.

Eva: Look Dad, there's a sausage dog.
Dad: Why are they called that?  Are they made of sausages?
Eva: No, that's just the shape they are.
Dad: Okay, so what ARE dogs made of?
Eva: They're made of dog material.

Revenge of the Dinosoids

Watching the film, Jurassic Park

Eva: Oh no, they'd better run away from the dinosoids.

God shaped

We're walking the dog.

Eva: Dad, did you know God's in all of us?
Dad: Is he?
Eva: Yes. (She points to the dog) He's even in pets.
Dad: Oh?
Eva: Only then, he's pet-shaped.

Most famous reindeer of all

It's Christmas time.

Eva: Do you know which one is my favourite reindeer? Rudolph.
Mom: Oh ya?
Eva: And my next favourites are Prancer and Cupid.
Mom: I see.
Eva: And my less favourite is Tinkerbell.
Mom: Tinkerbell isn't a reindeer Eva.

Cuddle bears

Eva: Mom, what are them things that cuddle trees?
Mom: What.
Eva: You know, the bears from Australia?
Mom: Koala bears?
Eva: Yeah.

A bug's life

Tom: Dad, where are all the bugs in the winter.
Dad: Lots of them find places to sleep during the winter.  But many of them just die.
Tom: Why do they die?
Dad: Because bugs don't live very long.  Some live weeks, others only for days.
Tom: Well that's not fair.
Dad: That's life.

Jesus was a foreigner

Dad: Eva, where was Jesus born?
Eva: In a cot?
Dad: Where was the cot?
Eva: In a manger.
Dad: But where was the manger?
Eva: In Bethlehem.
Dad: And where is Bethlehem?
Eva: It's in a different country.  Most things are in a different country.

Christmas Socking

Unpacking the Christmas decorations

Eva: Dad, can we hang my Christmas socking?
Dad: It's a stocking Eva

Death talking

Tom: There's someone at school who talks funny.
Dad: Lots of people have different voices and they might sound funny.
Eva: Yeah, like dead people.
Dad: Eva, I think you mean deaf people. Dead people don't talk at all.

Laundry sugar

I'm putting clothes in the washing machine.

Eva: Can I help?
Dad: Uh, okay.  Can you put the clothes in?
Eva: Can I also put the sugar in?
Dad: That's washing powder Eva, not sugar.

Musical brothers

We're listening to music.

Dad: Tom, this is your Uncle's favourite singer, Alan Jackson.
Tom: Oh, is he Michael Jackson's brother.
Dad: Uh, no.

Gin is its own food group

Dad: Look everyone, I got presents.
Eva: Yay, what did you get us?
Dad: Well, a bottle of wine for mommy. A case of Budweiser for Tom and a bottle of gin for you Eva.
Eva: I don't eat gin.

Don't lie about brushing teeth

Dad: Eva, did you brush your teeth?
Eva: Yes.
Dad: I don't believe you.
Eva: I just said I did.
Dad: I don't believe you.  You often lie.
Eva: Yeah, but I don't lie about brushing my teeth.

Don't waste your blood

Mom's going out for a bit.

Eva: Mom, where are you going?
Mom: I'm going to the blood donor clinic to give blood.
Eva: Why?
Mom: Because sometimes other people get hurt and need my blood.
Eva: I don't think you should waste your blood like that.

Chicken fish

We're eating supper.

Tom: Dad, what kind of fish is this?

Dad: It's chicken.

Pumpkin seaweed

We're carving the Hallowe'en pumpkin.

Eva: Dad, there sure is a lot of seaweed inside this pumpkin.
Dad: It's not seaweed.  Seaweed comes from the sea.

Crack knocker!

Kids are eating peanuts. They're having trouble peeling the shells off.

Tom: Some of these are hard to open, and there are no peanuts inside.
Dad: It happens.
Eva: Dad, can we have the crack knocker?
Dad: Crack knocker?  Do you mean the nut cracker?
Eva: Yeah.

Funeral anthem

There has been a death in the family. I've told the kids.

Tom: Will they play the national anthem at the funeral?
Dad: No Tom, they'll sing sad funeral songs.
Eva: Like (sings), "Somebody died, somebody died".
Dad: No Eva. That's a bit too in-your-face.

Spiders on my mind

Tom: Ewwwww dad, a spider!
Dad: It's not bothering you, why are you so panicked about spiders all of a sudden?
Tom: Because I can feel them crawling all over my back.
Dad: Doubt it. I think it's in your head.
Tom: Dad! Don't say that, there aren't any spiders in my head.
Dad: Sigh, that's not what I meant.