Auntie mother-in-law

Tom:  “Our Aunt is coming on Christmas because she is family.”
Eva:  “She's NOT family?!”
Dad:  “Yes she is, she's part of our extended family.”
Tom:  “Yeah, she's your mother-in-law. Isn't she dad?”
Dad:  “Sister. Sister-in-law Tom.”

Better not tell her about this one.

Santa writing

Tom:  “Wow, Santa sure uses fancy writing on the gift tags.  How much writing can he do?  I think he can do Comic Sans, Courier New and Times New Roman.”

Ruby the Red-nosed reindeer

Mom:  “Kids, do you want to go to Winter Wonderland in Telford for Xmas?”
Tom:  “Will we see Prancer and Dancer?”
Eva:  “And Ruby?”
Mom:  “Who?”
Eva:  “Ruby the red-nosed reindeer.”
Mom:  “It's Rudolph.”
Tom:  “I don't think he's real. I've never seen him.”

Poo wisdom

We're walking to school


Tom:  “I've walked past three piles of dog poo. One big one, one little one and one diarrhea one.”
Eva:  “Daddy, little dogs can't do big poos cuz they're only little, but big dogs can cuz they're big.”

Justin Bieber is a dog

Eva:  “Some people look like Justin Bieber, even dogs.”

Penguin, meet bear

Eva:  “Penguins live at the North Pole.  Polar bears live, uh, I don't know where they live. But they only ever meet in a zoo.”

All rats go to heaven

*Jerry, our pet rat has died*

Eva-Rose:  “When will his bones go up in the sky?”
Mom:  “Don't you mean his soul?”
Eva-Rose:  “When can we get a fish?”

Grey hand

*In the park*

Eva:  “Oooh, a poodle.”
Dad:  “That's right Eva.  Do you know what that other dog is?”
Eva:  “A thin dog.”
Dad:  “It's a greyhound.”
Eva:  “Oh, a grey hand. I wish we had one.”

Chicken poo

Eva:  Poo doesn't come out of a chicken's bottom. Eggs do.

Turkeys vs. Chickens

Mom:  “How can you tell the difference between a turkey and a chicken?”
Tom:  “A turkey has eye brows...”

Rhyming slang

Eva:  “I want a sheep dog.  And a sheep cat.  And a sheep rat.  Sheep and rat rhyme.

What belly buttons do

Eva:  “I know why I have a belly button.  Because I was attached to mommy's belly.  I was in the middle and next to something gooey.”

No kissing

Tom:  “I don't want to get married because I'd have to kiss the girl at the wedding and that would be embarrassing.  I'd just want to get it over with.”

Was that sex?

*While watching the movie, The Duchess, during a 'suggestive' bit*

Eva:  “Did they just have sex?”
Mom:  “Eva, that's not a nice thing to say.”
Dad:  “Eva, you don't even know what having sex is.”
Eva:  “Yes I do. It's when grown ups take off their clothes and say 'Mmmm’ ”

Babies are waiting

Eva:  “Do I already have babies sat waiting in my tummy.”
Tom:  “No, Eva. You have eggs sat waiting....and I have testicles sat waiting.”

Where babies come from

Tom:  “Mom, what's the stuff in your testicles that makes babies?”
Mom:  “It's called sperm.”
Tom:  “Oh. I thought it was called sperth.”

Old age

Eva:  “Mom, you're older than dad so you'll be an old granny before he is. “
Dad:  “Eva, I will never be a granny. “
Mom:  “Eva, when I'm a granny, daddy will be a granddad too. “
Eva:  “And mom will die first.  But dad will die two days later. Then you'll be together...in the ground

Can't have enough trampolines

Eva:  "Can I have a trampoline for my birthday? Then we'll have two and Tommy and I won't have to fight over our one trampoline. "

Hair insulation

*In the cold weather this morning:

Eva: "Dad, you don't get cold cuz you're hairy.  The dog doesn't get cold cuz he's REALLY hairy. "

Watching a TV show where one of the characters can shrink.

Dad: Do you think someone could really shrink like that?
Eva: No, only clothes can shrink.