Yorkie

On a walk

Eva: Look Dad it's a Yorkshire terrier.
Dad: Where do you think the Yorkshire terrier originally comes from?
Eva: France.
Dad: The hint is in the name Eva.

Jolene...please don't be a man.

*Watching a music video, "Jolene" covered by Miley Cyrus.

Dad: I knew several girls growing up in Canada named Jolene.
Tom: And men too!
Dad: No. Men are not named Jolene.

Gary Barlow is arousing

*Watching a Gary Barlow concert recording

Dad: I bet there were a lot of aroused women in the audience that night.
Eva: Yeah, like you Dad.
Dad: Huh?

Sour cream and vegetables.

Eva: My lunch is ready. I have my sandwich treat and fruit.
Dad: Fruit?
Eva: Yeah, the sour cream and onion crisps.
Dad: Crisps aren't vegetables.
Eva: Sure they are.

Dentism

Tom: When I'm older I could study dentalism.
Dad: It's dentistry son.

Ketchup...again

Dad: Do you want mayo or mustard on your roast beef sandwich?
Eva: Neither. I want ketchup.
Dad: You don't put ketchup on roast beef.
Eva: I do.

Belly dancer

Eva: The baby is crawling onto the table like a belly dancer.
Mom: Belly dancer?
Eva: Yeah, belly dancers crawl on tables at the pub.
Tom: You mean a lap dancer!

Live long and prosper

While watching Star Trek.

Eva: Oh no, that elf just died.
Dad: It's a Vulcan Eva, not an elf.

Bud taste

Eva: This food is on my bud taste.
Mom: Taste buds Eva.

1958

Eva is drawing a diagram and instructions for a time machine.

Eva: Dad, the time machine doesn't go back earlier than 1958.

Dad: Why not?

Eva: So you don't get eaten by dinosaurs.

Clever Hans

Christmastime. Watching Die Hard

Dad: Ooooh, the bad guy.
Tom: Yeah, Hans Graveshaw.
Dad: Who?
Tom: Graveshaw? That's how you pronounce it right?
Dad: Gruber. Hans Gruber.

Santa's snack

Christmastime

Mom: What drink should we leave for Santa? Milk, sherry?
Eva: Water.

Cevarian

Eva: Do you know anyone who's had a cevarian?
Dad: What?
Eva: Where the mom's belly is cut.
Dad: Eva, it's called a cesarean.

Eckilepsy

Tom: Dad, do you know that King Tut had eckilepsy?
Dad:  No I didn't. But don't you mean epilepsy?

Bravo

Eva: Blavo Tom, Blavo.
Dad: The word is bravo Eva. Not Blavo.

Buffalo

Tom: Is a male cow a buffalo?

Kid hilarious

Eva: Do you put all the funny stuff we say on kid hilarious?
Dad: Yes. And it's called Kidlarious.

Pepperoni beer

Tom: Dad, do you like pepperoni beer?
Dad: What is pepperoni beer?
Tom: The one you bought at the restaurant the other day.
Dad: That was Peroni.  Not pepperoni.

Heaven is a place on Earth

Eva: Why would Heaven be in space and not on Earth? If all the dead people were in space the astronauts would be freaked out.

Didn't say penis.

Tom came home after his very first day of school, aged four.

Tom: Mom, I had a good day at school today.
Mom: Why's that?
Tom: I didn't say "penis".